dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
