everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
