I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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