We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
