be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
