Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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