I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
please come you make the beer taste better
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
