If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love having hate sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
