Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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