Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
