We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
