She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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