I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
