so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
