I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
