I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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