hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
