Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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