Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
