She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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