no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
