I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
