My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
