He uses pillows to masturbate.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
