she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
