so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just threw up on my dentist
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
