I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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