Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
3pm strippers are depressing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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