if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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