the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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