I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My vagina is officially offended.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
