I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
