don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
