"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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