What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
