new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
