You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
