I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
