she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
