Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
