We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
