well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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