how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
