Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
