I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize