Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
