my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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