Where is the hickey?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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