i already hear my dad disowning me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
