Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
