He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
