i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
