Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
