remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
