So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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