I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
