why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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