Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
