im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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