Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
