sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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