I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
