that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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