And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
