There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
