I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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