He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
