They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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