I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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