best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
