i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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