i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
