I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
