this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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