I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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