i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
