im about as happy as oj after his trial
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize