i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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