party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
