I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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