meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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