we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
