If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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