Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
