dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
